Nightmare
In honor of Halloween, I’ve updated this advice, I first wrote in 2007. Read it now and be wise. heh heh.
It’s the middle of the night. The wind is blowing. The moon is high. Creaking noises are sounding. Memories of comments are running through your head, and you’re thinking of emails you sent that went unanswered.
You had such hope when you started in social media. It was daytime. You were always laughing then. Now you’re just shell of yourself in despair, dejected, and broken. Your socmed fears have taken over with the things that go bump in the night.
Not to worry.
Wait, sorry.
Indeed with just a little more worry, you have the power to take those concerns beyond the social business world!!
Go for it. . . . give in to it … become a mess on the floor.
The Top 10 Social Media Fears and How to Make Them Worse
As you read, remember, the more you buy into these, the better you’ll be at crippling yourself. Here’s your chance to prove you’re good at something besides misspelling words online and making social goofs.
If you’re faint of heart, read no further. Jumping without a parachute and shooting yourself in the foot require a certain dedication to being . . . hopeless.
10. Fear of Looking Like a Fool Don’t go near the comment box on any blog. Stay away from posting on Facebook. If you make a remark on Twitter or ask question on LikedIn, folks might find out about you. If you find you’re having trouble keep silent, translate your thoughts into a language you don’t understand. You need this fear in your repertoire — Fear the clueless, pest that everyone knows you are.
9. Fear of Content See how much better every other person’s content is. Count the ways that you’ll never be half that good. Write the reasons. Frame them. Put them on a wall in your line of vision. Feel the fear of an undisciplined wimp who is inept when you do your best work.
8. Fear of To-Do Lists Think up at least 5.000 urgent things you MUST do — blog tweaks, promotion spots, Twitter updates, Facebook posts, shares to buy and sell on Empire Avenue, LinkedIn status updates, blogs to read and not comment on. Don’t stop until the list could only be done by 83.479 people. (Get the math right, not 84,000 or 83,479. Be precise.) You’ve moved up a level on the fear chart. Fear how lazy and shiftless you are. [What does shiftless mean?]
7. Fear of Code Tweak your website template for hours to fix minute details. Then copy and paste the original stylesheet back onto the site, throwing your own work away. Changing the code should fill you with fear that you are an egotistical and anal-retentive rat.
6. Fear of the Numbers Check your stats. Hit refresh every 30 seconds for an hour. If your page views don’t rise by 100,000 or more between clicks, start reading every blog post you can about how to improve your social media ROI. Write three blog posts. Publish them. Spam all of your social networks with their links as soon as you might. Then do the whole thing again. Fear being exposed as a woeful underachiever.
5. Fear of Ideas Hunt down the perfect idea — the one that will get you tetweeted all day and on the front page of every social sharing site. (Great ideas have nothing to do with readers.) If you don’t find that perfect idea, you are ridiculously dimwitted and slow. Fear that everyone knows what an idealess idiot you are.
4. Fear of Relationships Link out in every sentence of every post you write. Link to anyone who has ever said “hello.” Link to rocks, trees, and statues, if you can. DM your links to everyone you’ve connected to on all your social sites, whether you’ve said hello to them or not. It will take forever, but people will notice how desperate you are. Link promiscuously, while you fear people see you as an anti-social hermit and a prude.
3. Fear of Saying “No” Answer all email, including spam. Always do what folks ask — buy, do, sign up, attend, subscribe. You’ll prove you’re needed. Fear that those you gently refuse will call you jerk or go higher and fear that no one would know who you are or care.
2. Fear of the Written Word Get out your dictionary and Thesaurus. Be sure you have two grammar books near. Use words so large that you can’t say or spell them. Be sure that you write unintelligible mush. See every teacher you ever had finding out how much you forgot. Fear that you’re not only a slacker, but also a bottom-of-the-barrel communicator.
1. Fear of Your Personal Worth All of your fears come together here. If you can’t get those first 9 right, then what could you possibly be good for? This the crown jewel. You have made it to the consummate fear of all . . . fear you are a worm.
On this deep, dark, dastardly night, you no longer have to be a shell of yourself in despair, dejected, and broken. You can be crippled and hopeless too — melted down into unrecoverable mess. Follow this Top Ten List, and you’ll show the world what fear is really for.
On the other hand, if you would rather get out of your funk, give up those fears, and come back to us. . . .
Definitely, positively, and for sure, surround yourself with positive people, because positive people make positive things happen. Wouldn’t you rather …
Build Opportunity into Your Life Right Now!
Find the Irresistible Rock Start in You.
Choose and Tell Your Best True Story
Happy Halloween!
Be Irresistible!
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!
Buy the ebook. Learn the art of online conversation.
