Three Paragraphs

Dear Liz,

What a fantastic idea! In one of my grad school classes we spent more than 30 minutes editing just a couple paragraphs. Some students found the exercise defeating and excessive, but to me it was a valuable lesson about cutting through jargon and getting to the point. Needless to say, I’m still learning.

I’m submitting three paragraphs from a recent post on my website. I’m researching Muslim immigrants in Berlin, and the following is from a recent post on language flubs. I’d be delighted if you gave my writing a makeover!

Thanks for your time and generosity!
Jim

Dear Jim,
You’ve got a great story here. I thought what might make it more fun would be to let the reader “see,” rather than just read about it. So I edited in a little dialogue to give your story more personality

Hope this helps you see the difference when you show readers what’s happening, rather than just telling us.

Remember this is just one way to do it! Every editor edits differently.

Smiles,
Liz

Turn the page for the editorial makeover. It’s called, “Don’t Tell Me, Show Me.” [Read more…]