In my time in publishing, there were always way too many balls in the air and way too many plates spinning. Balls flying, plates spinning steal focus and emotions.

People knew me as smart, great at making things happen, and good at my job. They didn’t necessarily get time to know me as nice and sometimes I didn’t do much to encourage them.

But perception is reality. People saw smart, but they didn’t see nice, or when they saw both, they saw them as separate. It’s one reason I left that business.

My head and heart want to be back together. . . .

Yesterday, I got three requests for help. Two were from readers — people who “know” me. They were thoughtful and generous, suggesting ways they might return the favor in kind if not payment. I so enjoyed helping these two people.

But the third —

The third message was a moderated comment that read something like this.

I read your post and I found it interesting. I’m a new blogger. Would you visit my blog and look it over to tell me what you see. I’d really like the opinion of an expert. . . .

What? My post was interesting? Would I critique his blog? I took a peek at the blog in question. It was a business blog! New to blogging, I thought, but not new to business or other relationships. He hadn’t seemed to notice the Blog Review Checklist on the page two posts below the one he commented on. That said something about his level of interest.

I get these expectations every few days . . . and they always amaze me.

The problem is that my head and heart always want to respond differently. These things put back in the world of intelligent versus nice. Yet I can’t seem to reconcile the big picture of these selfish requests because I’m sitting inside them.

So I’m asking for your view. Can you help me on this? I want to stay nice . . . AND intelligent.

What are folks thinking when they write a request like that? Do they write such things to everyone and hope someone, anyone will do their work?

What’s going on that I don’t seem to get?