We’re Only Ever So Big
Yesterday I found myself far outside my comfort zone. It was culture shock — like what might happen if you returned to a hometown that has a code of conduct that you once knew well, but didn’t realize you’d left behind completely.
RESEARCH SHOWS that when a tall person is unexpectedly sent into a room of people who are significantly taller, that person unconsciously will revert to childish behaviors true to the last time he or she experienced being shorter than everyone. If the person is prepared, that doesn’t happen.
I wonder if that’s what happened? . . . except the difference in this meeting was about culture, vocabulary, and expectations.
Previous conversations had set up what we’d be discussing — an agenda for a meeting with their client. What I heard was working together to solve a problem. I’d done my homework — studied their website and their client’s website. I was ready to talk about how to approach unfolding the information within the context of the specific problem.
At the office, a fine group of nice people entered a glass sided conference room. All choose to sit on the opposite side of the conference table — no one had a laptop.
The first item of the meeting was my credibility. It might be restated as “Why should we listen to you?” Though the question is both appropriate, relevant, and valid, I’d come thinking we’d worked that out in previous conversation. So started an unexpected group dynamic, this wasn’t the work session I’d prepared for. I’d misread the previous conversations.
Was I the tall person in the room of even taller people? I don’t know. What I do know is that I couldn’t answer the simplest questions or organize the most elementary thought.
I was thrown completely.
When I got home I called to say, “Let me help you find the person to do this.” I shared a lovely conversation with the gracious woman who brought to that meeting. We debriefed for 5 minutes and talking about mutual respect.
Could I have done what they need? I’ve been successful at such things many forms or I’d never have gone there. But sometimes you have know when you’ve artfully blown it, and the best recovery is to admit that you know it.
I’m grateful for the lesson that reminded me to put these thoughts together.
Today I’m reminding myself
- that every new situation is just that — a new situation with new people and cultures to get to know and understand.
- that even though we speak the same language, two people can often be saying different things without realizing it. That’s why listen’s so important.
- that hidden assumptions, especially those that come from past successes and my cultural biases, are the ones that I most to watch for when I imagine new situations.
- that if I remember to overprepare with information and come with a “beginner’s mind” biased toward connecting and away from preconceived notions I’m always in a better place and focused on the other person.
Last night, someone reminded me of something that happened at BlogWorld Expo. Brian Solis, Jason Falls, Chris Brogan, and Lee Odden led a panel talking about bloggers and PR firms when a thoughtful person from a business asked how she could possibly afford 30 days to make relationships who only get 50 visitors a day.
I took a turn to answer, “Don’t look at us for one campaign. See the long view. Little bloggers grow.”
So do tall bloggers in Chicago.
What advice can you add to the list that I’ve started? I’m too close to the situation to have made a list that covers everything.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!