Less Than Me

I woke up this morning, finding myself wanting to be someone else. I had a head filled with shoulds — all things I should be doing or should be doing differently. It was playing out in my cells as some sort of anxiety, as if I’m less than enough.

Isn’t it interesting that, this word should one that I purposefully avoid when I write, becomes the word that gets my mind tied. Rather than propelling me forward to action. I sit here confused.

Each “should” taken on it’s own is a skill or discipline at which someone else excells. Not one of them is something that I particularly enjoy or need in my life.

So what’s behind these bossy feelings?

I set aside the self-imposed “shoulds.” I sit back to reflect on recent events. What I see first isn’t the good. — So much incredibly cool stuff is happening. I’m a daily celebration. — But the first thing that comes to mind is promises made and not kept. People have reasons for that. I understand. Do I really?

Maybe this is all about promises and what I believe people should be doing or doing differently. Maybe I didn’t want to judge them. So I judged me.

Suddenly, I’m not feeling the need to be someone else anymore. They can be them. I can be me. Whew! What a relief.

That head filled with shoulds is now down to one “will.”

I will enjoy letting the “shoulds” roll right off me.

Sundays are meant for much better things.