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Whose Values, Rules and Ideas Are Running Your Life and Your Business?

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Other People’s Values, Rules, and Ideas

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We all grow up to be leaders on someone else’s path.
That’s not a bad thing, but it’s a reality that builds our world view.
We need to learn how the world works … how to stay alive, how to access food, how to win respect, influence, and trust. The first values, rules, and ideas we learn teach us that. They set a foundation for building character, setting boundaries, and making decisions for ourselves.

Our First Values, Rules, and Ideas Come From Our Family

Most of us are born into a top-down organization called a family. Our parents (or older, bigger significant others) teach us about good and bad behavior. At the same time we literally find our hands and our feet. Before we learn to talk, we know some things work and others don’t. We’ve already figured out whether a smile or a crying fit gets us what we want. If we didn’t know that, we’d have died of hunger. As we find our way to standing in the world, values, rules, and ideas help us find the place for our feet.

Family values, rules, and ideas start simple. They come from our caregivers. They sound like “Love your brothers, Don’t take what’s not yours. Don’t hurt other people. Don’t yell indoors. Be nice. Do well by doing good. Think.”

We learn to navigate when those values, rules, and ideas conflict.

When my older, older brother was three, he tried to put his hand in the sugar bowl. My mom reached out to slap his hand.
My dad said, “Wait!” Then he turned to my toddler brother and said, “You won’t do that again, will you?”
My older, older brother agreed. But the very next day, he tried the sugar bowl again and my mother slapped his hand.
He said, “I’m going to tell Daddy you did that!!”
My mother slapped his hand a second time and said, “Now you can tell your Daddy I did it twice.”

We learn early to sort whose values, rules, and ideas are more powerful.
It’s a self-preservation skill.

The Next Values, Rules, and Ideas Come From School

At school, we learn to be a leader on someone else’s path. We learn values, rules, and ideas that engage us in a manageable way. Some kinds of creativity and leadership are rewarded because they help the school run better, faster, easier. They give the school more meaning. They make it more fun. Other forms of leadership and creativity are brought back onto the path, because they make things harder to manage. Some behaviors don’t fit.

Conflicting values, rules, and ideas come from the same source.
Some sorts of curiosity are good. Some sorts are disruptive.
Asking why is eager participation in some situations and defiance in others.
Some sorts of helping others are applauded. Other helping is called cheating.

It’s good to ask what would happen if you don’t brush your teeth.
It’s not so good to ask what would happen if you don’t go to “time out” when the teacher sends you there.

Add the exponential complication of the values, rules, and ideas of our peer group.
The simple values, rules, and ideas require interpretation as we get older.
We learn that some rules interpret our actions by what that action “most often means.”

We graduate and fit ourselves into yet another set of values, rules, and ideas.
The more people we meet, the more complicated the values, rules, and ideas become.

Why We Trust Other People’s Rules

The tricky thing is the way our brains build abstract thought. We construct our understanding of values, rules, and ideas through experience. We construct our world view, our basis for making decisions, the same way we construct the idea of blue — it all starts with someone else’s idea of what blue is. We learned our idea of blue by trial and error.


What color is this?
Blue.
No, honey, it’s red.
What color is this?
Blue.
No, dollface, it’s green.

We learned blue by learning what’s not blue at the same time.

We learn what to do by learning what not to do — by doing things wrong — by finding out that our inclinations and instincts have lead us astray.

We learn to trust other people’s values, rules, and ideas more than our instincts.
That’s a problem.

Most of us don’t realize where doing that.
That’s an even bigger problem.
In fact, it’s dangerous — so dangerous, it can cost us our life.

Whose Ideas, Rules and Values Are Running Your Life and Your Business?

How many of your decisions come from habits set years ago and never challenged. If you’ve been feeling like you’re not on the right path, I’m betting it’s because you’re working under some old rules — rules that don’t fit, rules you don’t need.

What are the values, rules, and ideas that run your life and your business? Who inspired them and are you ready to decide which are your own?

Be irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss

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Are You the Company Who Will Sell to Anybody?

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Her name was Darcy. Well actually, I’m not sure. She wasn’t all that memorable. What I remember most was that every day she would come to work sad, disappointed, and almost depressed that they she didn’t have the slighted prospect for a date. Darcy, or whatever her name was, seemed certain that the problem was outside of her. When I looked at her situation I was as sure. I’ll let you come to your own conclusion on the facts that I knew.

  • The kind of guy she was looking for was any guy who would take her out to buy her dinner.
  • She didn’t care where they went, where they ate, or what he had to say.
  • It was about the transaction not the relationship.
  • She thought she shouldn’t to try too hard to predict what such a guy might find attractive. When he showed up she’d adjust and be what he was looking for.
  • Every night after work she went home to watch television. She didn’t think much about what sort of guy might be the right one or where the right sort of guys might hang out. She was content to wait for anyone who came her way.
  • When I asked her about updating her wardrobe and getting involved in things that might be fun for her, she would say, “I like a lot of things and I like a look of fashion. I don’t want to alienate some guy who might be interested by choosing something that might not be his taste.”

And so I listened daily to the stories of her boring evenings or the awful dates that her family set up for her that never worked out. I never was sure what she was expecting. Did she think the perfect guy was going to figure out she was in the third house from the end waiting to be everything he desired?

I wonder now 20 years later whether she’s still waiting or whether that guy just came up and knocked on her door one day. Darcy was more than willing to go out with any guy who came her way.

Does your business work this way?

Do You Really Want to Attract Customers Who Don’t Value You?

So what kind of woman (or man) wants to date anyone who will make the invitation? And what kind of person wants to date the kind of person who has standards that include everyone?

Let’s just say I don’t want to spend my time with someone who wants to date cheaters, liars, theives, bullies, and serial killers. I don’t care if they’re willing to dress up and pay for dinner. After all the folks we hang with define us in so many ways.

That girl who will go out with anybody is going to attract just anybody. If you’re doing business the way she’s dating, you might consider all that’s wrong with that.

  • Anybody can decide what to value about your offer. It’s our values that attract the people we want to work with. If we don’t put our values out there, other folks get to decide what to value. She didn’t care why someone might want to take her to dinner. We have to care why folks want to be our customer. Great, loyal relationships are built on that.
  • Those “anybodys” define our network. The people with whom we spend invite their friends to meet us and become part of our circle. That girl who dates anybody, soon meets other anybody sorts of people who value her for the same reasons the first anybody did. Was it because she was willing to give herself away so easily? Has she become a magnet for folks who don’t have any standards? Do people who want to be somebody start thinking that she’s like the folks around her? That network of “anybodys” becomes part of her value proposition. Go out with her and you get all of them as your friends.
  • We slowly become what we look at most. If we don’t establish our values and pick our friends and customer based on the values we choose, then we tend to take on the values the friends and customers we choose bring with them. A group around us all doing and believing the same things tends to become our basis for judging reality. For business that means if they we start to take on their world as our own.

The same is true for businesses who don’t choose their values and decide who they want for customers.

This week I had consultations with two businesses that reminded me of Darcy. Both were passionate about connecting with customers, both were uncommitted about who their customers should be. They wanted lasting relationships but they were waiting to define their offer because they didn’t want to alienate anybody who might otherwise come their way.

How do you define the right customer so that you’re not working with “anybody”?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

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How to Get Bean Counters and Kumbayers Serving Both the Company and the Customers

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(Updated in 2020)

Photo by Adeolu Eletu on Unsplash

10-Point Plan – Align Values with Value Proposition

The Clean and the Unpredictable

The core of any great business is the business model that drives it. A company without a viable, thriving business model — a process which consistently yields a growing profit — is a hobby not a business. The mathematics of the process — the return on investments — has to justify the decisions and directions of the business. Human relationships — intelligent, trust bonds with employees, customers, vendors, partners — are vital to the true and ethical execution of those decisions.

Mathematics and numbers are a comfort. They add up to clear, clean, predictable answers. We can reach the solution to a mathematical problem with the right algorithm, good data, and a trusty calculator. People are not so comfortable. Their behavior can be unintelligible, messy, and unpredictable. To reach the solution to a people problem requires experience, leadership, and gray matter decision making.

In any business, some employees are drawn to the bottom line clarity of the mathematics – the bottom line, the sales figures, the profit and loss statement. Other employees are taken with the less tangible, but equally important, human relationships – customer service, product experience, community building.

Some folks call the two groups the Bean Counters and the Kumbayers. Both terms discount that group’s value. In great businesses, every employee belongs to both groups. In not so great businesses, employees haven’t yet discovered the strength of getting those two groups together.

See the Values in the Value Proposition

So how do we get the bean counters and the kumbayers to come together?
The two groups aren’t so far apart if you consider their best intentions. One group wants to protect and grow the company; the other group wants to protect and grow the customer base. Without a company, neither group would be here. Without customers, the company wouldn’t be here either.

Serving the company serves customers and serving customers serves the company.

No business can thrive if every employee isn’t doing both. What if every employee could align customer values with the company’s value proposition. Here’s how to bring the two groups together.

  • Bring together a dozen leaders who represent both bean counters and kumbayers. Seat them at mixed team tables of four. Point out that: It’s no secret that our strengths are also our weaknesses. It’s human nature to be drawn to and value what we’re good at and to discount or overlook what isn’t our strong suit. Truth is, we think people who think as we do are smart and those that think differently are … well … either not so smart or being difficult.
  • As a group define the company’s reason for being in business. Write it large on a flip chart or white board. Ask them to record it at their tables.
  • Tell the teams, each individual has five minutes to write three words to represent the highest values their job role brings to executing that value proposition. Explain that they should focus on what they uniquely bring to their job role that adds value to the organization.
  • After five minutes, have the teams share their words and explain them to each other. Suggest that people listen for what others do of value that they themselves would never want to or could never do well.
  • Ask each team to choose rewrite the value proposition including three values words that represent the entire table. Explain that the new values proposition should reflect a focus on both growing the company and customer relationships.
  • Have the teams share and defend their new values-based value proposition. Challenge them to give examples of how their value proposition in action — decisions they might make — would support both growth of the company and customer relationships.

People who think differently than we do often care about things important to the business that don’t draw our personal interest. A discussion of company and customer goals can lead both groups to value every kind of contribution. Seeing how passionately one person cares about the profitability to maintain a stable business unit while another cares about totally satisfied customers opens the door to dialogue about how one can’t happen without the other. When that light goes on, people start to get interested in what they used to find difficult and the organization can develop and grow exponentially.

How do you get the bean counters and the kumbayers to serve both the company and customers?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

What Three Values Drive Your Brand?

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(Updated in 2020)

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

10-Point Plan — The Brand Values Baseline Defined

Three Reasons Get Us to the Task at Hand

Now the core team returns to discuss the feedback from the stakeholder leaders who’ve helped them identify the brand values baseline. Review the words each group has returned with and talk through the meaning until the group can roll up the short list to three words that stand for the foundational core values that drive the business. Try one from the head, one from the heart, and one from the long-term vision or meaning.

An example might be these three that drive SOBCon:

Delivering brilliance: We believe in intelligent, elegant connected ideas that raise us up to higher thinking.

Trusting fearlessness: We believe in authentic trust in ourselves and others that has no room for fear as it stand with our intelligent ideas.

Deep Strategic Vision: Our quest and our purpose is to move ourselves, our businesses, and those around us forward with leadership born of strategy and deep meaningful purpose.

Or brilliance, trust, vision. Those three words wrap up the sentences and make the an easy reference for every decision that drives our business. Other people on the core team can choose their synonyms and as long as they mean the same thing, we can trust in the variations and the mutations that will grow from them.

We have our values aligned.

What three values drive your business?

READ the Whole 10-Point Plan Series: On the Successful Series Page.

Create a Powerful Core Community by Building a Brand Values Baseline – PART 1

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(Updated in 2020)

10-Point Plan: Build a Brand Values Baseline PART 1

A Decision Model for All

Any time we interact, we have a chance to build and strengthen relationships. When we strengthen relationships with the people who love what we do, we strengthen our business. When we know the values on which those relationships stand, we can identify, attract, and connect with more people like them.

That’s the thinking behind building a brand values baseline.

Whether you’re a corporation or a solopreneur, you can start a power core community by finding 6 to 10 people who support and love what you do and bring them into this exercise.

  • Choose a location that is good for thinking and honors the participants. Think of the place you might take your most valued client or customer group to talk strategy and future relationships.
  • Invite 2 – 8 heroes — people you’ve identified as social stars, training stars, influence stars — to a meeting. The wider diversity of their skills, levels and backgrounds, the richer the experience will be. Also invite a trusted non-participant to record notes.
  • Explain that the room is designated a free conversation zone — that you’ve asked them to join you in a conversation because of their leadership skills and the respect they show for the people who work for the business. Let them know you’re counting learning from them so that the company might grow.
  • Without much talk or fanfare, ask them to reflect on the highest reason they might believe in the work your business does. Allow them time — as long as 10 minutes — to gather their thoughts as individuals. Encourage them to write words and phrases, draw images, or make a mind map of what comes
  • Allow each individual to share his or her thoughts with the group. As they speak, write notes for reference and track words that express values on a flip chart.
  • When the entire group has spoken, review what you heard and confirm that you’ve heard correctly what was said. Add your own thoughts. List your own values words to the flip chart.

Review the list of words, noting the similarities between them and poses these questions.

  • How might we take this list back to entire company to distill it down to no more than five words — a values baseline — that describes the values that drive what we do?
  • Should we distill down now and get their approval?
  • What process might we use to include everyone in this quest?
  • Who does everyone include?
  • How long will that take? What should each of us bring back to this meeting, if reaching a true values baseline is our goal?

As your heroes and champions get more interested in the values that underpin your business, so will the people who look up to them. A single meeting with the heroes and champions who love what you do can bring out the best in your company in less time than a whole team from a huge consulting firm.

Live your values and you’ll attract the people to your brand who value what you do.

How will you / did you find your brand values baseline?

Related
To follow the entire series: Inside-Out Thinking to Building a Solid Business, see the Successful Series Page.

Be Irresistible.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

A Voice and Heart with Values

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I’ve been thinking . . .

about values.

Value. It’s almost hard to think of the word without a consumer voice: value-priced, value-added, value for your money.

Value in it’s truest sense means to hold dear and to keep precious. It’s a word once meant for our children, our heirlooms, our self-respect. I’m hoping that we might bring it back. How hard could that be?

All it would mean is to hold our values up for people to see. I value my family, my friends, my time with the people I care about. Not everyone has family. Some people are alone.

I value my freedoms, my rights, and my responsibilities, even when they wear me down, because they build me up too. Not everyone can do as I do. Some people don’t get the chances I got.

I value the luck I have to write every day and to be who I am. Not everyone gets to be who they are. Some folks are asked not to see what they see, not to know what they know.

I have a voice and a heart. They can show what values are.

A voice with values is stronger than value-added . . .

A heart with values is more than a precious stone . . .

I’ll value my time and spend it with people I love

because I value them.