Lead with Relationships
Again this week, I got an email from someone who doesn’t know me, who wanted to engage my network in her cause. This post is about that one email exchange that exemplified too many don’ts in my inbox.
I’m a person, not a network. And my network is made up friends and colleagues I respect. I value them. I treasure them. I trust them. I know I can’t replace them. I don’t give, share, or sell their attention to people I don’t know. So please …
1. Don’t Ask for Things Before We Know Each Other
Any person who takes the shortest while to follow me online knows that I’m a giver and I love to support my friends. Any person who takes a second longer also knows that
I want a relationship not a one-link stand.
What that means is that I want to get to know you before I recommend you or share what you do with my friends.
2. Don’t Ask for My Network
Iâm writing because Iâve identified you as someone who is part of a networking empire that is basically unstoppable, and a major online influencer when it comes to what people are thinking and feeling and doing.
Iâm writing because Iâve identified you as someone who is part of a networking empire that is basically unstoppable, and a major online influencer when it comes to what people are thinking and feeling and doing.
Translation: I want to use your network because my own isn’t big enough to reach my goal.
In itself that’s not a bad strategy to ask a friend to reach out to her network. But the relationship — the friendship and the trust — needs to be there first. This someone saw me as a channel of distribution, not a person. She wasn’t really looking at aligning our goals.
3. Don’t Assume Your Mission Is My Mission
The next five paragraphs were about her, her mission, and why her mission is important to her. Aside from describing their philosophy and stating that I lived it, the mission itself wasn’t very clear. Neither was why I should invest in it.
4. Don’t Lie by Omission
I got curious to find out more about the cause or the product that this mission was all about. It’s a retail and lifestyle brand of apparel. Funny how that never got mentioned in the first or the emails that followed.
5. Don’t Act Like I Work for You
Why have I gotten in touch with you today? Because I believe you embody my mission and can help others do the same.
Tweet the following message ….
Post the following message on Facebook …
Share the following message with your readers …
Again, I might do plenty for a friend, but without that relationship, calling me to action so directly was telling me to open my network to someone I’ve never met.
6. Don’t Ask Me to Cross the FTC
Doesn’t telling me what to tweet or post break the FTC rules?
7. Don’t Offer Me Favors
My lack of response might have signaled that I was busy or that I had a lack of interest. But apparently it did not. Soon I got a follow up repeating a shorter version of the same message above the original.
Did you get it? Do you have any questions for me?
I’m working to develop a huge wave of enthusiasm … hope I can count on your support. And since I know favors go both ways, in return for your support I’d like to offer you a limited edition … t-shirtâ¦
or maybe something else? Networking or entrepreneurial support?
8. Don’t Assume I Have Nothing Better to Do
Let’s talk, and find out more about how we can help each other. Please let me know your thoughts ASAP …
Your urgency isn’t my urgency. I have my own work.
9. Don’t Shout Louder After a “No, Thank You.”
I replied as graciously as I might. My exact reply was …
I got your message. You have a lovely message that you want to share. Your energy is admirable. I can see your passion for what you’re doing. I wish you the best of luck with it.
Unfortunately, my family, my clients, and current projects are all I can keep up with. It wouldn’t be fair to them to take on another project.
Thanks for asking,
Liz
I might have expected that would be the end, but it wasn’t.
The reply read:
Hi Liz,
I understand and thank you for your reply.
The real reason I’m connecting with you is because YOU (as an individual), appear to fit [our] profile and seem like someone who’d want to be a part of something great, in its infancy stages – by doing something little to help spread the word and enthusiasm.
Even if just via your personal Facebook account or something – is there any way you’d be willing to help me out?
There’s a free [deleted description] T-shirt in it if you are… :o)
Best to you with your business endeavors as well…
Two more emails followed in which I was commended for my “due diligence” in having checked out the emailer and set straight in that she had built her huge network from being positive and sincere with people who showed immediate enthusiasm for her cause.
I didn’t know that I had done that.
It was never mentioned that the “cause” was the philosophy behind a retail apparel brand.
These are only the don’ts from one email exchange with one person.
Do you have other don’ts that belong on this list?
Be Irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!
These are only the don’ts from one email exchange with one person.
Do you have other don’ts that belong on this list?
Be Irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!