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Personal Identity: Fear of Imposing or Fear of Beholding?

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Asking for Help

Personal Identity logo

I’m looking at myself and looking my business.
I’m looking at what I have done well in the past.

I’ve been reading recently fabulous articles for big and small business folks. The great ones say to . . . be prepared, be ready, and get in the habit of asking for help at every step. For years, they’ve even given advice on how to ask. So have I. So have my friends and colleagues.

the big things they say are “Don’t be afraid to ask.” and “Think about what you hear.”

Just the other night the wisest and best-suited business advisor I know said to me, “I want to help you. How can I help?”

I sit here with the questions, and they seem too much and too many to ask.

Here I am trusting the world with my thoughts . . . and I can’t ask a simple question, not even the first one. Well I guess the first is the hardest.

Where does this issue of trust come from?

Is it a fear of imposing or a fear of beholding?

I know which it is in my case. Note my comment below.

Do you know which it is when you want to ask for help, but don’t?

Thank you,
Liz's Signature

Have You Forgotten What Makes You Magical?

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I've been thinking . . .

about the magical parts of ourselves.

I read once about a truck driver who would drive for hours to sit by a river to reflect on his problems. When they were solved he would drive home again. I solve my problems when I write, when I listen to music, when I talk long walks in my head and wonder what I should be doing next.

But I learn the most about who I really am when I am with people I care about, especially those whom I haven’t seen for a long, long time. In a funny way, it’s like watching grass grow or your own child get taller, you don’t notice changes in yourself until you have large spaces of time in between two points to compare.

When I went to the UK, I looked forward to seeing friends that I hadn’t seen for nearly 5 years. I knew that I would discover, uncover, or trip over something about my life that I hadn’t figured out because I was “too here.”

And it happened just that way.

Being in the company of people who knew me “in the olden days” brought my thoughts back to the person I used to be. They asked questions, and I answered them. It was curious to see which events, which ideas, of 5 years time passing I chose to mention. It was revealing to realize that 5 years ago I might have responded to their stories and updates differently.

I liked the new me.

Yet, tiny things that I valued about who I was 5 years ago started showing up on my radar screen. They were tiny good differences in the way my friends related to and remembered me. These were hopes, dreams, and deep heart things that new friends would have no reason to know.

I suppose it happens that way for most all of us. We’re so busy living; we don’t see how we’ve grown. We don’t see how our growing means we might accidentally leave behind bits of ourselves.

It’s a smile, the kind you get when you hear favorite old music, to meet up with parts of yourself that you didn’t value enough then.

Rainbow of flowers

Dear friends, in whose care we’ve left our well being, hand back to us a piece of our hearts and our history, so that we can make it our own again. They’re a lifelong mirror who can reflect back all the marvelous colors.

They’re a gift because they see what we’ve forgotten — the truly magical things that are part of who we’ve been all along.

Have you forgotten what makes you magical?
The people who love you still know.

Liz's Signature

Six Steps to a Remarkably Powerful, Personal Network

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It’s NOT Who You Know

relationships button

My recent trip to the UK has me thinking about networking. I’ve never really liked the term, it makes pictures of strangers and stress in my head. So I think in terms of meeting people instead.

We live and interact with people. People help, support, and reach out. They interfere, compete, and ignore. Relationships with people can make the road to our dreams easier and the load on shoulders lighter. They can also thwart our plans and fill our heads with dust.

People who know where we want to go and how hard we’re working to get there can be a most powerful force. Love, friendship, camaraderie, influence, credibility, trust, authenticity all add up to relationships.

Every business is relationships and relationships are every one’s business.

When Fewer Is More

A living network is more than a list of contacts or friends that we’ve exchanged cursory messages with. A true network is people who know us and people we trust with our reputation. If we choose them well, our network of influencers expands our knowledge and our reach exponentially further and deeper simultaneously.

Networks like that take time to build and require attention. Two main qualities describe a network that is remarkably powerful.

  1. A remarkably powerful network is limited in size. Small is flexible and makes it easy to stay closely connected.

  2. A remarkably powerful network is varied in experience and expertise, but in agreement on high standards of quality in all things.

You might have heard “It’s not what you know, but who you know.”

That’s not exactly true.

Six Steps to a Remarkably Powerful, Personal Network

A living network can open doors and make connections to people we only wish we knew. Follow these six steps to build and care for a living network that will powerfully support you as you move forward in your personal and professional life.

  1. Know what you know and know its value. What you know is important. Don’t overvalue it. Don’t undervalue it. Simply understand how common or rare your knowledge and your unique skill set are. Know where they are useful and think through who might be delighted to find someone who does what you do.

  2. Build relationships not an address book. Relationships grow in value and mature with age. They also require time and attention to do so. Choose people you would bet your reputation on — people who share your standards and have similar goals. People who set the bar where you do will connect to other people you’ll want to know.

  3. It’s about who knows what you know (and who knows what your skills are.) Learn to explain your expertise easily to people who have influence. Influencers naturally talk about folks who are great at what they do. Influencers get asked for recommendations. If no one knows what you do well, it won’t matter who knows you.

  4. Be the first to offer help. Be interested in everyone you meet. Ask questions, listen actively, and be first to offer a favor without strings. People remember sincere curiosity and true generosity, especially from someone they’ve just met. Every generous act is an opportunity to share your expertise with those who might help you. Do it unconditionally and they’ll remember both the work and you.

  5. Watch for and welcome every wise teacher you encounter. Wisdom and experience are a prize. True teachers show themselves by offering advice, expecting nothing in return. Mentors who come your way, offering experience and connections, see something in you. Let them help you discover what that is and what it could be if you let it grow.

  6. Take every opportunity to reach out and to stay connected. Know that listening and speaking with friends is how we keep their interests in our hearts and minds. Stay interested in them and most of them will stay interested in you.

Keeping an eye toward reality and respect is how to develop a remarkably powerful network. This relational group will be a much smaller subset of the network of folks that you know. Still, as they say, we reap what we sow. A network built from relationships that are carefully tended is likely to become a remarkable group of lifelong friends and colleagues.

With a powerful personal network, it seems so much easier to become all our potential will allow.

Sometimes fewer is also more. Are you looking for a few good connections?

Be irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

B.A.D. Bloggers, Leah Jones and Jeremiah Owyang on the Strategy of Listening to the Web

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Bloggers About Dialogue

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Ask a blogger why he or she started blogging and it’s likely you’ll hear that it had to do with sharing a wealth of knowledge and finding an audience to teach. I enjoyed a conversation last night with a blogger who had been blogging for 5 years and she told me that she started for every same reasons. It’s information sharing that gets us here. But it’s the conversation with real people that keeps us engaged and building communities — for our businesses and as part of our lives.

Though we participate in the conversations on our blogs and others, two of our own Successful and Outstanding Bloggers were extending the conversation to the folks who don’t necessarily do that.

Have you met Leah Jones and Jeremiah Owyang?

Leah Jones in the Chicago Tribune November 23, 2007

Look there’s Leah Jones, above the fold on the front page of the Business Section of the Chicago Tribune!

Leah Jones, Conversation Analyst for Edelman in Chicago and Jeremiah Owyang, Senior Analyst for Social Computing at Forrester Research were featured in a piece called, “You talk, they hear on web.” by Tribune staff reporter, Eric Benderoff.

Here’s a virtual article base on what these two prominent bloggers had to say. The questions are mine. The answers are from the article text. [Please note: These quotes are presented dynamically with an eye to maintaining the speakers’ original intent, despite this new context. My hope is to offer a closer glimpse of the blogger behind the words. The original, must-read article carries the full story.]

Leah, what does a conversation analyst really do?

“I pay attention to what people say online,” said Leah Jones. . . “My job is research and education,” Jones said. “I do a lot of small group training on social media.”

So, do you talk as well as listen?

“To get a true sense of what people are saying on blogs or in forums, we don’t get involved in the conversations,” Jones said. . . . “If I e-mail a blogger, I tell them ‘I’m Leah, I work at Edelman and I’m writing you because … ,’ ” she said.

So what are you looking to do with and for your clients?

“When we look at 2008, we’re asking, ‘What’s our news? What’s our online strategy? What are our conversation strategies?'” Jones said.

Jeremiah spoke on social media strategies as well.

Jeremiah, what’s the key to social media strategy?

“If you have a social media strategy, you need the right people,” said Jeremiah Owyang.

Why did you say 2008 will be an important year for social media?

“For the first time, you will start to see budgets set aside for social media strategies and processes,” he said. . . . Later he added that “As customers get more involved, expect their feedback to shape new products.”

Both of these bloggers are genuine and engaging conversationalists, who set aside their own thoughts to listen in to what we are saying, to learn where the conversation will go.

Leah and Jeremiah, you are B.A.D. Bloggers! Thanks for taking the conversation to the world of print.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Want to be a B.A.D. Blogger see the. . . a B.A.D. blogger page

SOB Business Cafe 11-16-07

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SB Cafe

Welcome to the SOB Cafe

We offer the best in thinking–articles on the business of blogging written by the Successful and Outstanding Bloggers of Successful Blog. Click on the titles to enjoy each selection.

The Specials this Week are

Logic + Emotion asks “Is the business world really ready to work a little differently? Evolve business models and offerings? Offer new solutions? Or will we cling to how it’s always worked for us in the past?”

Cube Rules recalls how ” . . . a Google Alert sent me to a brand new web site and presented me with a great kernel of truth written in a way that is both inspiring — and obvious for those of us searching for the truths of career management.”

Sunny Schlenger says, “In Neale Donald Walsh’s workshop at Celebrate Your Life, he said that there are two basic questions to ask of life, and that it’s extremely important to put them in the right order.”

lifehack.org points out that “Emailing an expert — or anyone you don’t know personally — to ask for assistance or input requires some finesse, and done well it’s far from the easy way out. . . . unless you give them a compelling reason to be interested in you and your project, they have nothing to gain by helping you.”

The Lonely Marketer advises “If you’re a marketing manager wanting to jump into social media, but your superiors are hesitant to give budget for the effort, you really need to think out how to position the medium.”

Related ala carte selections include

Life Coaches Blog relates that “I’ve found great things to come out of taking time off to do nothing and be nothing. My mind clears, anxiety lifts and new ideas come.”

Sit back. Enjoy your read. Nachos and drinks will be right over. Stay as long as you like. No tips required. Comments appreciated.

Have a great weekend!

–ME “Liz” Strauss

The Ageless Project: David Wilkinson

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A Problogger in His Teens

by Keith Dsouza

Did you think that age could deter you from blogging? Did you think that a 13 year old only can accomplish things in school?

Well lets break the myth today. Blogging is ageless.

David Wilkinson has shattered any idea that blogging is restricted by age. . . .

David Wilkinson, a 13-year-old blogger from Manchester, England, was born on February 15th, 1994. He has been actively blogging since the age of 12. In that short time, David has become a full-time Problogger and Internet Professional without affecting his studies. He is also the CEO and founder of Zi Media.

David also likes to play golf in his spare time or hooks on with his Xbox 360 or his gaming PC. He also has an interest in Photography but meekly says that he is not a expert at that yet.

Vital Stats

Name: David Wilkinson
URL: http://www.tech-zi.net
Birthdate: 15th February 1994
Birthplace: Manchester, England – UK
Current Location: Manchester, England – UK

What David Blogs About

David writes at Techzi.net and also owns Affiliate Defined. David writes about technology and has quite an engaging way of doing it. He mixes humor with his writings that many of regular readers have come to appreciate.

Reading through his blog, I was surprised at how easily a reader could digest the information he provides and laugh while doing it.

David’s categories include Internet, Gaming, Gadgets, Web2.0 and many more.

Getting Candid With David

Here are a few questions we asked David and what he had to say. .

Successful Blog (SB): How old were you when you came across blogging?
David Wilkinson (DW): I started blogging in July 2006 which would have made me 12. Admittedly, it was complete fluke that I ran across blogging at all and I have a spammy AdSense arbitrage website to thank, ironically enough.

SB: How did the interest generate within you, knowing that you are of such a tender age?
DW: I’ve always been an entrepreneur – trying to sell things to my friends and try out new methods of work. I’ve also always showed a natural interest and a burning curiositry for anything out-of-the-ordinary, or even slightly different. Blogging presented itself to me in a strange way (see above), but I don’t regret it for a second.

SB: Did something influence you to take up blogging?
DW: I’d always had a passion for writing and like to have my views known. I knew XHTML and a bit of CSS and with the help of Blogger managed to get a site running pretty quickly. I soon picked up on sites like Engadget and Gizmodo, along with the other “usual” technology blogs you’ll run across who dictated the direction my writing took. My style, being arguably different from the masses – aimed to please and not just inform and reading my blogs for the first time, alot of people won’t pick up on the underlying humor and jokes that long-term reads will. I guess my biggest influence however was the relationship I had with my readers, and for that – I thank them.

SB: What are your most memorable experiences when you started blogging?
DW: Ha! One stands out particularly strongly, as it happens and it was perhaps one of my first ever backlinks I was to receive. I’d reviewed NABAZTAG, a French Wi-Fi Rabbit-turn-evil-villain-turn-RSS-reader-turn-alarm-clock and the makers had picked up on the article and linked to it. Being new to the whole concept of blogging, I went off and wrote three or four posts ranting on my blog about how “famous the blog was”. Oh boy – I had a long way to go… 😉

SB: Do you think blogging is ageless? If not a ProBlogger, would you have still chosen to blog regularly at your age?DW: Ageless? Certainly. If not a ProBlogger would I have chosen to blog? Bear in mind, when I started to blog, I *wasn’t* a ProBlogger. I was just your average geeky kid (which I’m proud to say I still am). Today, I’m not sure I *would* class myself as a ProBlogger. Six months ago, maybe, but my focuses and earnings have shifted from one place to another and today my main focus is affiliate marketing. Despite this, I have to admit that the blogosphere is one of the safest and most fun environments online with such a community element to it that it’s hard not to grin broadly at the random adventures of Timmy the cat and Darren Rowse’s next big thing.

SB: Could you give us some quotes on how blogging can be an ageless experience.
DW: It’s nothing like a 9-5 job. There’s nothing stopping you from doing your schoolwork AND blogging. I guess it’s flexible “working” hours, to be honest. There’s nobody to tell me off (besides my blog readers) or whine at me for not writing (besides my blog readers) or dock my pay if I turn up for “work” late (besides my advertisers). 😉 Hehe… At the end of the day though, it’s one of them things that ANYBODY can do with a keyboard and a mouse. You don’t need to be 18. You don’t have to be younger than 60. You don’t have to have an IQ of ten-thousand and one. You don’t even have to write well so long as you have an interesting story to tell. A breath of fresh air in a controlled world.

Thanks, David. We couldn’t agree more.

Be ageless and let the world know. Great thoughts come from every age and all over the planet.
–ME “Liz” Strauss and Keith Dsouza
Work with Liz!!